January 24, 2026

I’m back!

Wow, it has been a while since I last blogged! Between the holidays, long nights of toddler teething pains, increasing my hours at my primary job, navigating cold and flu season, and launching Posa, my days have been packed full.

The Posa Journals launch went better than I could have ever imagined! I am still blown away by the response and so grateful for the love and enthusiasm it received. Seeing others share in my excitement for this practice made me feel understood. Almost immediately, new opportunities, connections, and collaborations began to emerge. Right now, there are 219 (!) Posa Journals out in the world; I can hardly believe it! I hope each one brings calm, balance, and abundant joy to the person holding it.

Some Posa Highlights:

• First vendor experience at the Press Bay Alley Artisan Gift Market
• Made its way onto the shelves at Buffalo Street Books
• Formed new partnerships with UndocuBlack
• Hosted two bullet journaling workshops at the Lodi and Trumansburg libraries
• Sent out our very first Newsletter
• Working with an independent artist to develop stationery
• Collaborating with a chosen sister on a women’s cycle health focused journal

And this is just the beginning.

One of the most unexpected and meaningful parts of this journey has been receiving messages from people sharing how their Posa journal is helping them in their own lives. That’s exactly my intention and hope: to make a difference in any small way.

There is so much more to come as Posa continues to grow and evolve. Now is the right time. My work is to listen inwardly and, with so much to juggle, be intentional about how I manage my time and energy so I can keep moving forward. Posa energizes me. It gives me that dopamine rush that comes from meaningful work. Nothing else has ever felt this natural, this right.

When do you get time to create?

With my days being so packed, sometimes I wonder if I’m being overambitious. I don’t think so (though I do wish there were more time in the day!). I want to be able to do what fills my heart, even if I have to hustle for a while.

I’m sure many people can relate to the scheduling challenges with finding time to hang out and connect with friends. It can be difficult to align schedules for many reasons. Sometimes dates are set out months ahead! It’s ridiculous, but it’s a result of the insanely busy world we live in. People have to juggle so much, and sometimes it feels there’s no other way and no way out.

Recently, when trying to find a time to hang out, a caring friend asked me, “When do you get time to create?” That got me reflecting. Nights and weekends? Nap time? Whenever I can squeeze it in? Sometimes, it feels like the weekdays do not belong to me. I know there will be long nights and saying no to things for the development of Posa, and my intention to write to heal, but I am here for it! My biggest priority is staying present with our growing toddler and taking care of myself so I can be there for him and the people I care for. The rest will fall in place.

’Tis the season.

And of course, there are the things we can’t plan for that life tosses our way. I found that, because of my treatment, any little cold can turn into something longer-lasting and really halt all plans. I was sick with a cold for what seemed way too long. I was so fatigued that it reminded me of the chemo days, when walking to the mailbox was impossible.

As I recovered from a cold, I became symptomatic (diarrhea) of the daily oral chemo I’m on, Nerlynx. I was dehydrated and fatigued to a whole other level. I was going to bed before the baby, had no appetite, and every small thing was a big effort. I was taking medication to manage these side effects, but it made little difference. After a week, I reached out to my oncology team, and we decided to pause my treatment to allow my body to recover fully.

After just two days, I started to bounce back to my normal self. I was more energized and happy, and my catastrophic worries began to slip away. The plan is to give my body a couple of weeks of rest before restarting the oral chemo. I only have four more months to go. And, fingers crossed, they go without a hitch. Feeling as great as I do now, I look forward to feeling like myself again this summer. Wepa!

Fear of recurrence.

Something that has been there since the beginning is the fear of recurrence. Since starting my treatment in 2023, I’ve been conscious of what I might leave behind. I was diligent about a baby book for Des and recording precious moments in my journals. I wanted to have something to leave behind for him. That feeling continued even as I got better.

My mindset has been focused on taking care of things, getting all my ducks in a row, and working toward whatever the task at hand was; chipping away slowly and getting things in good shape. Any new pain is concerning, and when I have energy, I go go go. It’s my motivation to get things done now while I’m able.

I am taking all the preventative measures available to me. Any time I get sick or have the slightest ailment, my mind creeps into catastrophic mode. My doctors seem vigilant, though, and that is reassuring. My ophthalmologist, for example, noticed a spot on my eye and had me return three months later to check for changes. It was all good.  This is what I am noticing across the board with doctors. They’re taking extra precautions, and though it felt like unnecessary alarms at first, I appreciate their thoroughness and attention. I no longer go into panic mode when they schedule a test or follow-up. I recognize they are doing their due diligence.  

Cancer recurrence is most prevalent in the first few years after treatment. This summer will mark three years since I was diagnosed, and I feel so blessed to be here today with no major setbacks. However, seeing recurrence happen to three women in my circle in the past year, claiming the life of one, unsettles me with sadness and worry. Losing someone to breast cancer this year was a heavy first for me. Ana was very hopeful just one week before passing. She was young, vibrant, and full of faith. She always had something sweet, uplifting, or reassuring to say to others. I miss her, and I will never forget how she made me feel and the kindness and cheer she showed others. Ana deserved better. It’s very sad to see her go.

I know every situation is different. I try to live life fully and, in the present, while also doing my part: making appointments, watching what I put in my body, observing changes, and staying vigilant. Seeing the women in my circle put on their boxing gloves again and move forward with love and grace fills me with awe and hope. I hope I would show the same courage if I were ever in their shoes. Shoes I hope to never fill.

Seeking peace of mind.

For the holidays, I decided to gift myself a psychic reading with Phil Jordan. He’s a medium and psychic in my area with decades of experience and an impressive career. After attending a group reading and seeing his personality and approach, I did not hesitate to book a private reading. I wanted any little bit of peace of mind about a healthy future.

Before going in, I prepped myself in the car, practicing my line, “I can take bad news.” But I completely blanked when I sat down, and the reading started. He read my aura and said he saw good health and longevity. He said many other very interesting and exciting things. But this is what I needed to hear so I could ease my anxiety. Now, I can give myself more time to do the work I am being called to do. I wholeheartedly believe what he shared with me, but whether it’s true or not doesn’t matter; what’s important is the mental shift it gave me. I can move forward now at a more reasonable and sustainable pace. That is a much better way to live. Well worth it. 

Hair & time.

My hair grew a lot this past year, and it has become a way for me to measure time, creating distance between cancer and health. There were so many awkward stages (still are), but I embrace them and try to style my way through. I’m starting to look like myself again. It’s bizarre to look in the mirror and recognize a past version of myself with the wisdom and experience of my present self. It was like seeing someone I haven’t seen in years. There you are. You made it through. I knew I’d see you again! Hey, mamacita!